The Reason
by WhenTheCurtainFalls
Summary: While he experiments on Spirit's body, Stein talks to his unconscious patient and tells him about his mother, his father, and his first love. Stein's past is broken, but there was always that one person who showed him that there is more to life than just his shattered hell of a family. What is his reason to live?
1. Intro: Stein's Past

The Reason

Jane

You know, they asked me once.

"_Why do you experiment? Why do you waste your life causing other people harm? You make their lives hell by cutting them apart without their consent and then you stitch them up and turn them into living monsters. Why do you do it?"_

I couldn't give them a straight answer. I always said "because I can".

Why _did_ I do it?

I looked at my watch, and lit a new cigarette –I'd spoiled my previous one due to my lack of time perception. My dear partner, Spirit, lay unconscious on my cold metal operating table. He hadn't noticed his lovely little scars I'd so carefully placed amongst his flawless skin over the past few months. The anesthetics should be completely taking over him now. I poked at his stomach with my scalpel.

"My mother always looked at me as the black sheep of the family. My father was a doctor, but in her eyes he did noble things like saving people's lives. I was just a fuck up in her mind, a mistake, a demon. I became an outcast quickly. She would always tell me that cutting open the subjects at school was disgusting, I found it beautiful. She would always say the dead animals in the yard were a nuisance, I saw them as a learning vessel and I loved them like my own pets. My father however, paid me no mind. He only saw me as another mouth to feed. He would beat me. It didn't matter if I was his son, he treated me like a slave, and I only got a small portion of dinner every night. I would talk to myself when I got lonely, as I would be too afraid to speak to my father or mother." I decided to start telling my experiment, my partner, my best friend, my _only_ friend about my past.

Spirit's limp body gave way to my knife after a few light pokes. His warm blood trickled down his side. It was as red as his beautiful hair. His skin was cut by my tools as easily as paper under a kindergartener's delicate scissors. His blood was everywhere, it stained my coat, stained my table, stained his clothes. I poked and prodded at his intestines. They slid inside him with ease, like slimy slugs in mud.

"My mother was a cosmetologist. She loved to dress me up and pretend I was the daughter that she had never–could never–have. She was in an accident after she became pregnant with my late sister. The accident caused her to not only lose her child, but she also destroyed any chance she had at another child's life. I guess you could say that she resented the fact that I was a boy. Anyways, she would put makeup on me after she dressed me up. She told me I was too ugly of a girl to go without it. She told me my father would appreciate a beautiful girl. I never quite understood that. I loved my mom, even through all the hell she created for me." I continued.

I cut all the way from Spirit's belly button to the base of his neck. I was going to search every nook of his unexplored body. I looked at his eyes as they darted from side to side in his sleep. I wondered what the brain looked like during sleep. I'd seen it whilst the patient was awake, but never when they were asleep. I decided to save that one for next time. I pressed on his heart and watched the blood squish through his veins with force. His organs were completely exposed to me at this point and I loved it. How could I not? This is what I lived for. I had complete control over this boy's body. We were only teenagers, not fully grown up, so what reason did I have not to mess around and do whatever I wanted?

"My mom may not have loved me, but she loved my father. When he became ill, the other doctors informed her that the surgery he would have to undergo would be risky. She decided not to allow them to carry the procedure out. After he heard the news, my father confronted me. He told me that he wasn't yet ready to die; he told me that he was sorry for everything he had done. Between school and experiments, I didn't have enough time to help. He cried for hours upon hours. I could hear his moans and sobs from my room across the hall. One night, I decided to put him out of his misery." I stopped, looking closer at Spirit's heart.

I took a peek at his soul, it seemed to flitter and dance, like a candle's flame. I probed the bones that encased his vital organs. His poor body could not lose any more blood. I pushed all of his blood-soaked body parts back into his silky body. I checked his vitals and matched his skin back into the form it was prior to my incisions. He deserved as clean of a healing as possible. I sewed the stitches into his stained skin one by one until I no longer saw a gash across his soft belly. I stroked his skin one last time before I picked him up and placed him into water so I could wash the blood off of his body.

"You know, I killed him. It wasn't my fault. He was already so sick; there was nothing I could do. The surgery went as I had expected it. But the infection it caused was unpredictable. His immune system was so jacked that his poor body didn't stand a chance. Lucky for him I stopped his heart cold before he could achieve a painful death. He thanked me in the end. He told me I was everything a father could possibly want in a son. My mother became abusive after that. Her beating took the place of my father's and soon became much more terrifying. Not only would she throw knives at me from the kitchen, but she would stand over my bed with a gun at night and waited until I woke up. When I woke up she would press the gun against my heart and threaten to murder me like I'd done to my father. I believed her and pleaded that I would do anything for her. In his will, my father had left me the entire estate and all of his possessions. My mother demanded the house and the money in exchange for my life. Of course, I didn't allow that."

I washed the pools of stained blood from Spirit's body and dressed him in the most comfortable clothes that I could find in his messy room. As I placed his recovering body on his bed I felt a pang of exhaustion and loneliness. I sat next to him and petted his hair until I grew weary of this and lay down on the empty sheet next to him. I lifted his shirt to look at the healing wounds. There was still a bit of blood coming from the initial incision site. I swiped the blood off of his chest and tasted it–another experiment.

"My mother…I killed her, Spirit. I cut into her body, much like I've done to you. Except, I did one thing for you out of courtesy that I did not allow for her, you received anesthetic. I carved straight into her pearly white skin. I sliced away at her body until it was almost unrecognizable, then, when I came around to her face, she cried. She said 'please, my face is the only pride I have left. In taking this, you take my pride away. I'll never be able to show my face again in public.' So what do you think I did?" I choked on the tears that rolled down my face, and began to laugh. "Well, that's an easy question, I sliced that pretty little face of hers from her tiny widows peak to her nose and over to her ear. She bore the same mark she gave me. I stitched her tear stained face up and she looked at me with sorrowful eyes, '_Why do you experiment? Why do you waste your life causing other people harm? You make their lives hell by cutting them apart without their consent and then you stitch them up and turn them into living monsters. Why do you do it?' _she asked. All I could tell her was that I couldn't just sit there and be another drone in school, taking notes without actually contemplating what I was being force fed in those classrooms. I wanted a mind of my own, while every other student sat quietly and obediently took notes without a single original thought crossing their mind to tell them that the system was flawed."

I combed my fingers through Spirit's crimson hair and smiled. His eyelids remained shut. Even in the darkness I could tell that he was sleeping peacefully. Not a single movement in the room. Not even the movement of Spirit's body in his peaceful sleep. It felt like I was completely and totally alone in this entire world. I could completely take advantage of this boy. In his state, there would be nothing to stop me. But why would I do it?–Experimentation. That's always the reason. I heard the slow, steady breathing under the sheet I had so carefully moved over him to keep him warm. I stood up and took my lab coat, shoes, and shirt off and returned to the bed. I was too tired to walk all the way back to my room or even to the dissection table that was set up a couple rooms down the hall. I just wanted to stay here all night, just like this, lying side by side without any disturbances.

"She died that night. By my hand, she died. I shot her with the same gun she had threatened me with. This laboratory used to be the house that my father beat me in, the same house that my mom threatened me, the same house that I used to beg for death to come for me and release me from the hell that I was living in for so long. I sat alone in this house for years–I was only eight when I killed her, after all. I attempted suicide once, just to see if I could escape my living hell. I felt so alone all the time, alone and afraid. I thought the ghosts and demons of my past would eventually come back to kill me if I didn't do it myself. I was almost certain that nobody would care whether I lived or died. I had nobody else to care for me or any relatives to force my scarred body upon. After I tried repeatedly, I realized my own death would be too easy, I returned to school to blend in as another blinded drone amongst hundreds of others."

I turned over on my side and faced away from Spirit, I didn't want him to see me cry. Even though he was asleep, I didn't want to run the risk of him seeing my weakness. I knew the sheets would reek of cigarette smoke, notifying him that I was sleeping with him, but I could handle that, so long as he didn't see the salty tears stream down my face as I told his sleeping body the rest of my story. I had no idea what I would do if someone saw me shedding the tears I should have expelled years ago when my parents died, when I was all alone, when I was truly desperate for someone to save me.

"One day, I was walking to school and I saw a glimpse of red threaded inside the crowd of old faces, each with the same simple complex. Except for that one red haired boy, he was different. Every day I would sit in this tree, I didn't care if people saw me; I just sat in this one tree hoping I would see the one kid with an original characteristic. I often thought about how fun it would be to cut him open and find out if he had anything else special or different that nobody else had. I wanted to find out if he was different, like me. One day, I saw the boy and followed him around like a shadow–just to be sure he didn't see me. The red haired boy stopped–I thought this was odd–and cocked his head to the side. He asked me how long I was going to follow him before I got bored or beat him up. After that, we started to become close. Both of us were outcasts, both of us were misunderstood. I tried to kill myself again at one point during our friendship, but he grabbed the knife out of my hand and threw it to the ground. From that point forward, he was my reason to live. Soon after that, I showed the boy how I could use my soul to fight. He showed me that he could shape shift into a weapon. We proved to be an unstoppable pair. We became fast friends and I remember sometime along the way we came across Shibusen, or rather the DWMA. Both of us enrolled in this specialty school for students like us. After a few years, the boy became my world. I could never truly understand emotions, save for curiosity, until then. The moment we entered Shibusen, I felt at home. I asked him to move in with me. I fell in love with him. He was the only one who I could truly depend on–though I would never tell him. I knew that my entire future depended on his well being. I couldn't tell him how I felt because that would just result in rejection. I couldn't deal with that. I knew that if he left me, I really would be alone. I would have absolutely nobody to call my family. He was my family. I was so desperately attached to him that I probably would have died if he left me. When he went to the store or when he stayed home sick, I would wander around aimlessly like a ghost. I became a mere corpse, a shell of a person–no feelings, no hope, nothing–when he was gone. On the flip side, when he was around, my heart raced, and I became as loyal as a dog. Imagine that Spirit, all of that was for you. I can't believe it, I've been in love with you for this long and, although I'm the best meister the DWMA has ever trained, I'm still too cowardly to admit it."

I felt a nudge against my side. I saw a thin, black shadow beside me and the smallest hint of red hair woven into the shadow. The shadow embraced me and I felt a cool breath against my neck. The air felt like ice water against my neck and I shivered. I turned my head against the shadow that induced the feeling. The shadowy figure kissed the side of my neck lightly and whispered, like a phantom into my ear. He said words that gave me chills throughout my stitched and scarred body.

"I fell in love with _you_ first."

* * *

**A/N**

**there will be updates to this story, also I appreciate reviews and suggestions :)  
**

**I DO NOT OWN SOUL EATER, OR ANY OF THE CHARACTERS.  
**

**Till next time,  
**

**Jane  
**


	2. Chapter One: Confession

_A/N: I made this chapter because someone inspired me to continue writing. I think I might continue this, I've had a hectic week, so tell me what you think or review... I love reading reviews. :3 Not the highest quality, but I'm happy with it._

_Till next week,_

_Jane._

* * *

I froze.

I didn't know he was awake, let alone listening. I leaned into his body and slowly turned my head to face his. Spirit's arm snaked up my side and wound around my waist to pull my entire body to face his new cuts and stitches. He softly wiped away my tears with his finger as if I would dissolve if he pressed too hard.

"You act like I would never understand and can't possibly return the favor. Stein, you may be a brilliant meister, you may be a complete genius, you may be a phenomenally bright scientist, but if there's one thing you don't excel at, its love. You couldn't see it in my eyes? When you came up to me that first day, in all honesty, I was terrified. I had never felt nervous around other guys, only around a couple older girls. I didn't know how to talk to you. The other guys didn't have the same fragile, delicate look to them. You were different; you were someone I wanted to save, like a broken bird. When we found the DWMA, I was intimidated and I probably wouldn't have attended, but the way you looked at it…there was something in your eyes…I couldn't deny you of it. I didn't want to leave you alone. I needed you, you needed me. That's what partners are for. But when you asked me to move in with you, my heart skipped a beat. I knew right then that I could never give up such an incredible opportunity to be with the one I loved since the beginning."

Spirit looked me in the eye and continued his speech. "To be perfectly honest, Stein, I don't think I would be the man I am today if I hadn't met you, if I hadn't come here, and if I hadn't fallen in love with the world's best meister. When you aren't with me, there's a void in my soul that I can't seem to fill. When you come back, I feel complete. Please, just promise me you'll never leave me."

Spirit's words pierced my soul like an arrow. He had wiped away my tears in vain. When his voice struggled to finish his confession, I felt a burning in my eyes and smiled as a drop of salty water brushed across my already hot cheek and left a stinging trail on my skin.

Spirit sat up in bed and looked out the window at the night sky. He had always loved to watch the stars, and when he saw the moon he would stare back and smile. When he smiled, that's the only thing I saw. I didn't know how to smile until the first time we watched the sun fall and the moon take over the sky to reveal tiny white diamonds in the blackened sky. I had been used to such hate, anger and sadness my entire life, but when he smiled…when he smiled he seemed so purely happy. His smile was never deceiving, never a lie, never forced.

I sat up and wrapped my arms around his body from behind him. He melted into the embrace. I felt his body become weak under mine. If, ten years ago, someone told me I would meet a person who would change my life, I wouldn't have believed them. But here I was, holding my only friend in my arms, never to let him leave. I was finally home where I belonged.

I kissed Spirit's neck and nipped at the delicate skin there. He seemed to enjoy it; I heard his breath become uneven. I lightly pushed him down on the bed and lay back down next to him. I had waited long enough and I was sick of being scared. He was my first love, he was my only love. I would never leave his side. And I would give anything for him to know that.

I leaned down and kissed his forehead softly, I didn't want to break him in his weakened state. My hand slid along his side and hit the edge of his pants; I tugged playfully at the fabric. Spirit gasped and grabbed my skin. His nails felt like needles on my body and I shivered at the feeling of pleasure and pain mixed together. I grabbed his thick, red hair and pulled him in to kiss him. Our lips collided and he kissed back hungrily. We had both waited so long for this.

I could feel his new stitches and scars rub against mine as our bodies pressed together. The weight on the bed shifted as his smaller body move over mine and he deepened our kiss. I felt his tongue slide across my lip and I smiled—this was all still so new to me. He bit my lip, begging for an entrance, I teased him a while longer, then finally gave him what he wanted. I closed my eyes and allowed Spirit to do whatever he wanted. Spirit placed small kisses on my chest and worked his way down. I wasn't expecting Spirit to be this intent on sex. I felt his trembling hands against the button on my pants and my eyes shot open in sudden realization. He had just recently woken up from anesthetics due to a surgery, shouldn't he have been tired or at bare minimum _resting_?

My protective nature set in and I sat up to look at him.

Spirit's wounds were still fresh, I wouldn't go farther than I knew he could handle. He was still fragile and needed to be taken care of.

"Wait. Stop. Spirit, I don't want to hurt you. We can't…" I attempted to talk him out of continuing what he had already achieved.

"Stein, listen. I understand your concern, but I'm fine. It's okay. I have enough morphine in my system to blur all my pain out. I can barely feel anything."

I knew he wasn't. And this wasn't how I wanted to treat him. I wanted him to be fully coherent if he was ever to give consent to something of this caliber. I couldn't do it to him. It was practically rape if I gave in to my emotions. I wanted to be completely sure that he felt the same way and that it wasn't forced words from the anesthetics.

"Spirit, I don't want this tonight. Not now. I want to make sure you are completely healed before… you know…" My cheeks got hot and my heart skipped a beat and faltered. Spirit smiled and kissed me lightly on my forehead.

"Okay, I understand. Will you at least stay with me tonight? Please don't leave me."

I shook my head and laughed. "I could never leave you. Not if the sky was falling, not if a war started, not if we were torn apart. Never."

I pulled Spirit's smaller body towards mine and held him in my arms. I felt his chest move as he sighed lightly into the darkened room.

He nestled his head underneath mine and whispered. "I love you, Stein."

I felt his breathing become even and his body succumbed to sleep's sedative. I kissed his head. "I love you too. I promise I will never leave you."

My words fell upon deaf ears and I felt a wave of exhaustion overcome me. I let myself fall asleep, knowing that nothing could be as perfect as this moment.

* * *

_to be continued_


	3. Chapter Two: Freedom

_This update came relatively early this week as I had no school work to take care of and I was home all day. Coffee and a computer resulted in me writing this chapter..._

* * *

The sun peaked through into the cold, dusty room and fell upon our resting bodies. I had slept well for the first time in a long time. I didn't know what time it was, nor did I care. The only thing I wanted was to lay there all morning with him in my arms. Spirit and I were still young so we didn't have any real priorities, besides working to train Spirit into a Death Scythe. We were almost there though.

Over the past few years we had rounded our seemingly non –existent number of souls into a well-rounded 95. Granted, we were only 18 and freshly graduated. I remember sitting in class on the last day, we looked at each other proudly and examined one another with approval of what we had accomplished. As I looked down at him now, I could only feel more proud of what he had become, and what we would soon accomplish.

I felt Spirit's body move next to me and shifted away from him so as not to disturb his rest. I got up and checked his vitals. His heartbeat was steady, his blood pressure was normal. I checked his wounds to make sure the stitches hadn't been broken in his sleep.

Spirit's head moved slightly and his soft blue eyes fluttered open. I lit a cigarette and leaned against a wall, waiting for him to wake up fully. I inhaled deeply, greedily pulling more smoke into my lungs to feel the nicotine shoot a calming wave through my body, placing a smug grin across my scarred face.

"Where…am…I? Stein?" Spirit sat up in the bed and looked around wearily. "What am I doing here?"

I took a couple steps away from the wall and exhaled the poison from my body into the air. Spirit coughed and looked me over, trying to find a simple explanation for his unexpected location.

"Stein why am I here? All I remember is coming over to talk to you about something last night and then I fell asleep on the couch…" He rubbed his temples; I knew he would have a headache when he woke up this morning. "Did we drink? I feel like I have a horrible hangover, I just don't remember drinking last night…So why do I feel like this?"

I should have expected this. I should have known that after a surgery, you can wake up and do things, but not remember them the next day. Why would Spirit be any different? He was just like any of my other patients. I had become so skilled at making incisions and sewing them back up that he may never notice the scar running down his body.

I shook my head and sighed, taking another drag of my cigarette. "Honestly, I can't remember myself. Maybe we did, I'm not sure. I woke up in my bed and decided to clean up the lab a little bit, so I came in here to make sure nothing was left out, and I found you." I laughed weakly; I didn't want to give myself away, he might be afraid and never speak to me again. "So I stayed here and waited until you finally woke up. Does Sleeping Beauty want breakfast?"

Spirit seemed irritated and slightly offended by his newfound nickname. "Don't call me that. I don't have time for your jokes, Stein. I'm just going to grab my things and I'll be on my way. Oh and if you ever call me that—" Spirit pushed the covers away from his body and looked down. I had forgotten that I changed his clothes.

"Dammit Stein! What is wrong with you!? I'm glad Lord Death is changing our partners! I can't believe I have to worry about you doing horrible things to me while I sleep! Honestly, what is wrong with you?" He stumbled around looking for his clothes and when he found them neatly folded on the counter he buttoned his shirt up, hastily changed his pants and fixed his hair back into the small ponytail he always wore, but I paid him no mind. My thoughts were fixed on his words to me. _Lord Death is changing our partners._

What had he meant by that? Was he really going to be taken away from me, after all these years of partnership? After everything he and I had gone through, Lord Death was splitting us apart and forcing new partners onto us. Who else could match Spirit's wavelength? I was so close to the 99 souls, why was he doing this now? I inhaled on the smoke that would presumably end my life long before I was due.

"Spirit, wait. Calm down, I'm sorry. If I had known that it would upset you this much that I changed you into more comfortable clothes and put you in a real bed, I wouldn't have done it." I tried to undo what I had unexpectedly caused. I had never seen him so agitated over something so small before. I laughed lightly, and smiled. "Can you please explain to me what the whole weapon-meister reassignment issue is? You were just saying that, right? That's not very funny, Spirit."

The red haired man stood still and straightened his stature. He turned around slowly, keeping his eyes fixated on the ground and anywhere but Stein. "That's what I came here to talk to you about last night."

Spirit shoved his hands into his pockets and put his head down, as if he was ashamed of what he was about to tell me. He took a deep breath and lifted his head to look at me with a sad, distant gaze.

He's body shook slightly and his eyes became glassy with imminent tears.

"Stein, I'm sorry. You became so wrapped up in your work…"

The smile that previously marked my face disappeared and was replaced with worry. I let the smoke in my lungs pour out my mouth as my lips parted slightly from disbelief. I shook my head with confusion and took a step towards him. He, in return, took a step away from me. "Spirit, I don't understand what are you trying to say? What did you do?"

A tear slid down his cheek and he wiped his face hurriedly, trying to hide it from me. I walked over to him and went to hold him—I couldn't stand to see him in pain. I felt a hand press against my chest firmly; it forced my body away from Spirit's. I dropped my cigarette as I realized that what he was saying was truly no laughing matter.

"Spirit, what did you do?" My voice started to shake and I could feel my eyes begin to sting with follow up tears from last night.

"I told Lord Death that I wanted a partner reassignment for personal reasons. I thought you didn't care about shaping me into a Death Scythe anymore. I thought you cared more about your work… I'm so sorry…." His voice trailed up and salty tears welled in his sapphire-like eyes. His delicate featured became stained with tears. "As of today, we are no longer weapon-meister partners."

He moved his hand and pressed his body into mine and embraced me. I folded my arms around his body and laced my fingers through his hair to hold him as close as I possibly could. He had betrayed me. He had gone behind my back and had taken matters into his own hands. We were no longer partners.

I buried my face into his shoulder and squeezed him against me. This would be our last day together. He was moving on, leaving me behind to search for bigger and better things. I couldn't say I entirely blamed him. He was ambitious, I was obsessed with work. I was holding him back and I should've let him go sooner. I should've set him free long ago.

He whispered more apologies and cried into my coat. I couldn't find it in my heart to be angry with him for the decision he made. I wanted to see him succeed. I was upset, but it was never Spirit's fault. It was mine. I should've been focusing on his aspirations and goals.

I pulled away from his tight grip and smiled down at him reassuringly. "Spirit, it's okay. You deserve to be the best of the best. I'm only holding you back with my research and my obsession with work. I want you to grow and become better than the rest of them. I know you can do it. I've seen what you're capable of, you have something they don't. You have the will power and perseverance of a thousand weapons."

Spirit's lips curved into a small smile and I laughed a little to lighten the mood, despite the feelings I had inside that tore at my heart. "See, that's the award winning smile that taught me, after all the hell I had been through, how to smile. Keep that up and you'll have the whole world joining you. No matter what, I'll always be here for you to fall back on. I don't care what time it is, you can always come to me and cry on my shoulder, unload all your problems on me, or even just come over for a drink…though after your reaction this morning, maybe that isn't the best idea."

He laughed and thanked me. I picked up my cigarette off the floor and ashed it against my wrist. The burning of the cigarette replaced the pain that his decision had caused me. I winced as the heat left a mark on my skin. It didn't hurt as bad as an incision might, but it definitely would leave a scar.

I opened the door for him and bid him goodbye. I wished him the best of luck in his new beginning and he turned to tell me one last thing before he set off on a new adventure.

"Stein, I thought I should tell you something. Lord Death told me to inform you that your new weapon partner is Marie. She's the blonde one that used to be in our class. Not the sharpest, but she's extremely kindhearted. I think he assigned her to you in hopes that her sweetness might rub off on you. Good luck to her on that one. Anyways, I'm sure I'll see you around campus all the time." He reached out and hugged me tightly.

I laughed and hugged him back. He pulled away and turned around, ready to embark on a new chapter in his life. Once he was out of view, I closed the doors to my lab. Then made sure they were completely locked. Impenetrable to the outside world.

Behind the closed doors, I sunk down into the ground and rested my head against the wall. I pulled out a new cigarette and a match. I cried and finally as the sun was setting, fell asleep. He was gone, never to come back. _I must be dreaming. How can situations take a turn for the worse in a matter of hours? Last night, he was mine. Now? _

_He's gone._

The sun set early that day. The star's warm rays faded into pitch black night. My lab became much colder and empty than I had remembered. I slept through the night, lying on the floor. Nightmares came and went in my dreams. I prayed that one day, Spirit would be returned to me.

If he ever came back, I would _never_ let him go.

* * *

_to be continued.._


	4. Chapter Three: Stuck

_After a long, long break in between this chapter and the previous one, I give you: Stuck._

_It seemed to me like I would never be able to get back to this story, but I am back. _

_Anyways, enough of my babbling, I dont own Soul Eater or any other characters associated with Soul Eater, I merely enjoy writting about them..._

_Without further ado, I present Chapter Three._

* * *

I woke up to the sun shining through one of the few windows in my lab. It was one of the many things I resented about the morning. The light beamed onto my face, forcing my eyes to dilate. I flinched slightly from the slight burning sensation against my skin.

I twisted my bolt and relaxed.

Spirit was gone.

There was no doubt about it. He wasn't going to come back. I had to face the harsh reality that I would undoubtedly lose him entirely, as there was a very slim chance of seeing him in the halls of the DWMA. There were simply too many students, it was borderline impossible.

Anyways, I knew he would be too preoccupied with his new weapon partner. This brought about a new curiosity. _Who is his new partner?_

I picked myself off the cold laboratory floor and headed towards the bathroom. Switching the light on, I glanced at my twisted reflection in the shattered mirror.

My face looked ragged, as if I hadn't slept at all the night before. I poked and prodded underneath my eyes, at the dark circles that were beginning to form. My eyes still looked glassy and red from the night before. It had taken its toll on me, and I could feel myself becoming more and more unstable as the minutes ticked away.

I twisted the faucet to produce a small stream of water. My hands cupped around the stream to create a pool of water that began to flow over my fingers softly. I splashed the cool water against my face, sending a shock through my nerves to force myself out of my sleepy stupor. Picking up my glasses, I rubbed my shirt against my face to remove the droplets of water from my skin.

_I should probably go speak to Lord Death. He might be able to give me some information, and besides, I have to meet with Marie today anyways. _

I threw on a new shirt, black pants, and my signature coat. The front door creaked as I pushed it open to reveal the sun, laughing in my face at what the day was about to unfold. Cursing under my breath, I set off for the academy. Along the way I paused to observe the sights and scenery around me.

I noticed that Death City didn't really hold true to its name. The flood of people parading the streets, trying to zip from one checkpoint to the other before pursuing a new destination made the city come alive—in contrast the desolate expanse of sand and dirt encompassing the perimeter.

My shoes tapped lightly against the ground, dancing intricately along the cobblestone pathway to avoid being trampled by another pedestrian. I wove in and out of the crowd, not bothering to risk bumping into others and in turn starting conversations. I just wanted to get my reassignment, ask a few questions, and go back to my home. I had a few experiments I wanted to conduct before the sun went down and my burn from last night's cigarette against my wrist needed to be re-bandaged.

I turned the corner at the end of the rows of vendors and customers to see the large ominous school looming over the rest of Death City. It truly was a word of art. The vivid splashes of red against the dark black and bright white of the architecture never ceased to amaze me. It was a very prestigious school, and the aesthetics certainly lived up to the Death Weapon Meister Academy's name.

The stairs, I always found to be a pain. And today was no other day. Between the sweltering heat due to the location of Death City and my newfound anxiety that was no laughing matter, the endless flight of stairs leading to the main plaza of the school turned out to be more work than I had expected. When I finally reached the top, I looked down at the miniature town below me as I attempted to catch my breath.

The people who had, only minutes ago, been pushing and shoving me out of the way were now small, almost insect like figures that seemed to polka dot the stone walkways and alleys. It was almost humorous to watch them scatter across the streets as they frantically tried to go about their days and accomplish their tasks as quickly as possible. I never did understand why they found the need to struggle when they each, in their hearts, knew that it wouldn't make them happier.

I sighed, shoved my hands into my pockets, and made a sharp turn on my heels. _My_ destination was the office of Lord Death himself. Unlike the rest of the inhabitants of Death City, I was in no rush. My walk to the office was short and leisurely. I found no pleasure in speeding around the school's hallways, and had always taken my time when prowling the school grounds. There was a sense of beauty in every piece of the school—even I could appreciate that, regardless of my lack of a keen artistic eye.

Today, there were students scrambling to get to their next class. A particular student caught my eye as I made my way across the hall to the office. He had yellow-blonde hair and bright blue eyes. His face seemed to portray a sense of solitude. The headphones stuffed into his ears made a modern addition to his obsolete choice of clothing. The black and white priest uniform is what had originally caught my eye.

Curiosity got the best of me and I glanced at his soul.

_Well, he certainly is quite the weapon. He's young, sure, but he's very powerful for his age—especially since it seems as if he doesn't have a designated partner. How interesting._

I averted my attention to the approaching doorway. I traced my finger along the walls as it came closer into view. My knuckles tapped on the wood door and I heard the distinct voice of quite possibly one of the most respected Shinigami in the world.

I took a deep breath and pushed the door open.

"Hey! Hiya! How's it goin', Stein?" Lord Death wore his usual overly enthusiastic façade and attempted to cheer me up. He undoubtedly knew I was going to be shaken up.

"I'm well, thank you. I came to ask you a few questions if you don't mind."

Lord Death paused a few seconds and continued. "Well, sure! Whatcha wanna know? Something about Spirit or Marie I'd imagine? It seems as if you and Spirit weren't really working out, so he asked me to separate the two of you. He's quite ambitious, you know!"

"Actually, that's exactly what I came to ask you about. I was wondering why I didn't become part of the discussion about reassignment."

Lord Death hesitated and looked around the room, fishing for an answer to my question.

"You see, Spirit knew that you were busy and didn't want to bother you. So, I guess he must've signed the reassignment paperwork for you. You weren't part of the discussion because I guess you could say Spirit wanted to keep this confidential and under wraps. Sorry, Frank."

I turned my head away from Lord Death and looked at the ground solemnly, realizing that Spirit really didn't want me to partake in the decision at all. It was as if he just wanted to make a clean cut and sever our entire friendship so we could both just restart, like a game.

"D-do you know who his new partner is? That's the last thing I want to know, then….then I'll leave." I choked. I heard it in my voice. I knew Lord Death would realize sooner or later that I had been entirely in love with Spirit Albarn throughout our friendship.

He looked straight at me; I could almost see his eyes behind the white skeleton mask.

"Her name is Kami. She will be his permanent partner from now on. As for yourself, Stein, you're going to be paired with Marie. But you already knew that. Sid was actually supposed to send her to my office when he saw you coming here today. I don't know where she is, though. She should've been here quite a while ago. I wonder where—" Lord Death was interrupted by the sound of tapping against the door.

My heart sank in my chest when I realized who it was.

Marie burst through the door after given consent to enter from Lord Death.

"Hey, sorry I'm late. I had a few students to rush to their classrooms otherwise—hey, I've seen you somewhere before…Have we met?" The beautiful blonde smiled at me and shot out her hand for a shake.

"I think we had a physics class together two years ago. Marie, is it?" I took her small hand in my own and shook it lightly.

"Hmm…No, that can't be it. I don't remember ever having such a tall, handsome man in my class. Maybe I was preoccupied with other things though, that class never interested me. I hate science."

I felt an irritation begin to build inside me. I didn't know how I would put up with being paired with such an ignorant woman. It was almost as if she really had no idea who I was, or even the fact that we were now officially partners.

"What a shame. Science was my best subject. Regardless, my name is Stein. I believe we are weapon partners now."

Her face lit up and she blushed, a smile plastered across her small face. It complimented her fair complexion and amber-brown eyes—she was almost cute. Her innocence would prove to be an interesting experiment in the future. But for now, I knew that I would need to remain composed and indifferent about the entire situation.

"It's nice to meet you, finally. I've heard so much about you. I can't wait to begin our journey as weapon-meister partners!" Her smile broadened and she began to laugh, lightening up the tension in the room. Lord Death's chuckle joined in unison to hers.

I stared blankly at the two of them, dumbfounded_, _wondering if it was just a dream and I was still sleeping next to my beloved partner, Spirit. I blinked, but nothing changed.

I felt my face go pale. It was actually somewhat frightening to me. To know the rest of my career would be dedicated to shaping this woman into a Death Scythe. I realized this meant that I would be stuck with her for years on end, just us alone together for much of that time and I didn't know if I could handle it.

_Damnit Spirit, why couldn't we have talked this out? I could've prevented this! We could still be back at the house laughing and talking about unimportant affairs, we could be planning on what to eat for dinner tonight, then after the day ended we could've laid in bed and held each other until one of us drifted into sleep. We could've made it work._

This was going to be a lot more difficult than I thought.

* * *

_A/N: Alright guys, this chapter. So I like Marie a lot, but I'm trying to stick with the SteinxSpirit plot line here._

_SLIGHT POSSIBLE SPOILER._

_Pleaseee don't get mad if/when I throw in a little bit of Stein/Marie stuff into this story, it won't be a detrimental event if/when I do, but I definitely think they have a little bit of tension that they will need to clear before Stein can fully get back on his feet and fight for the one he decides he truly, wholeheartedly loves._


	5. Chapter Four: Laceration

_A/N: This has a dissection scene in it, so I'm just warning everyone beforehand. Also, I decided to update early because I've been a little depressed lately and thought this would be a good way to pass the time :)_

_Either way, Tanoshimu!_

* * *

After our first meeting, Marie had asked if she could stay at my lab until she could find an apartment somewhere in Death City. I didn't really know how to respond and faltered to give her a straight answer. So, Lord Death forced the burden of accommodating her melodramatic existence into my home.

The following few weeks were complete hell for me. I had to share my living space with a woman I barely knew, and was constantly flirting or complain about one thing or another. She cried a lot about things and people she could never and would never have. She whined incessantly about how she wasn't good enough for another person to love her.

I had intermittent headaches throughout the first week of our partnership. There wasn't anything I could do about it, she didn't leave me any time to myself to think things through or experiment. She was always up in my face spouting things like "We need to get to know each other perfectly!" or "Tell me everything about your past and anything else you can think of, I want to know everything about you!"

I had become overwhelmed with the woman's chattering. Eventually, every time I looked at her mouth jabbering about a lost love and it almost made me sick to my stomach. I came to a point where I couldn't take any more of her mindless babbling and I told her to leave. She cried and cried for hours on end. I forced myself to retract my demand and help her unpack her hastily thrown together luggage.

Marie made me realize how lucky I was to have owned a partner who shared my love of silence and solitude. Spirit always knew when to be quiet and just enjoy the moment, but when the time called for it, he also knew how to have a great time. He had held such a perfect attitude towards each situation he was dealt.

It made me miss him more and more with each passing day.

I ended up calling him one night, when I was completely alone after Marie had called up a few friends to have a night on the town. After two or three rings he picked up.

"Hey! Stein how's it going? Can I call you back tomorrow, I'm kind of at Kami's house—it's a date night."

I could hear another person in the background laughing and pulling Spirit into a side conversation. I knew it was a girl based on her feminine laugh and voice. He laughed and chattered back to her lovingly. I choked and stammered out an answer.

"Uhm, well…" I swallowed and caught my breath from being taken off guard.

"Actually, Spirit, don't bother."

I hung up on my lifelong friend. I knew he had more important things to be worried about that night. I wasn't going to be the killjoy to his party, so I set him free. That was the most painful thing I had ever done in my life.

I looked over at the window by the door and wondered what time Marie would be returning. I suddenly had an overwhelming itch to dissect.

Lighting a cigarette, I headed into my lab and adjusted my glasses. I walked to the sink and flushed any bacteria off of my hands. In my cabinet, I had three options for a subject: a mouse, a cat, or a frog.

I surveyed my options. A mouse was fairly small and would only provide amusement for a short while. I had the frog, which was considerably larger than the mouse, but was a common dissection and wouldn't satisfy my thirst for discovery. I could've named every piece of the frog and lay out an entire diagram without even puncturing the skin. The cat however…I realized quickly the cat had only been dissected a few times before.

I knew the cat could provide entertainment and fill my insatiable hunger for new toys, though it wasn't completely unexplored. A smile twitched across my face as I pondered every possibility of the imminent experiment.

I pulled a white sheet out over my steel surgery table and laid a few tools to the side for later. I rummaged through the cabinet, searching for the bucket that contained my next victim. Three large, black letters led me to my destination and I brought the encasement off the shelf to place beside the table.

I pulled the lid off and carefully reached into the liquid to produce a small corpse of a cat. The fur had been completely shaved off and the pathetic body was left naked lying on my table. I marked the feline with small dotted lines to give my blade a track to follow. The knife tore through the cat and small pins were set into place to hold it open. I pressed and sliced at the organs that resided inside this lifeless heap of skin and blood and bones and fluid. When I got to the heart, I cut it in half, watching the embalming fluid pour out like synthetic blood.

The smell of formaldehyde was familiar to me. Its scent made my head spin and my stomach turn, but it always pulled me deeper into the experiment. It was one of my favorite parts of the experiment, as it kept my victims for their post-mortem dissections.

Unlike Spirit, this cat was dead, as most of my victims were. The cat did not need to be healed, did not need to be stitched back together or nursed to health. This realization caused my interest to dwindle and fade as time passed. I reached for the trash bag that rested neatly on the counter so I could throw the cat out—I was bored of it now.

I slipped with the knife in my hand. It cut across my coat, tearing the white fabric. The silver blade crashed to the ground, producing a bell-like echo through my laboratory. It sounded so empty in my house. I needed to get out.

I needed to talk to someone, anyone.

At that moment, I actually slightly missed Marie's endless flow of words. I wanted to hear them so that I could keep my mind off the shock of Spirit and Kami.

I realized then why I started the experimentation on the cat after all. I felt the need to take my pain out on another being. That was also why I got bored with it. I realized that I couldn't force the cat to feel how I felt. I knew the cat was dead, yet I tried to inflict pain knowing full well that I could never exact my feelings on something that could no longer feel anything at all.

I found myself toying with the idea of what it would be like to feel nothing at all—only seeing the world from a distant view, not having to worry about consequences or pain.

I was standing over the table again, stroking the cat's head. I knew it made no difference to the dead animal lying still, covered in lacerations and gashes. I apologized to the small body for defacing and mutilating it to the point of being almost unrecognizable.

Its body was limp, but held its frame as if it would never give up that one last dignity of being defined as a cat—however insignificant. I wrapped the poor carcass with the paper and slid it into the bag, placing my tools into the sink before I left the room. Walking down the halls, I observed the monotony of the place I had always called home. My heart ached as memories of Spirit flooded into my head.

I walked by my bedroom, remembering that night we had slept side by side without a care in the world. I remembered the first time we had hung out in that room, talking about new moves that we could try and new ways to improve our soul resonance. What we hadn't planned on was for it to become a bond that would never truly dissolve.

I looked into the living room where I had been beaten as a child for years. I remembered the feeling of my father's fist against my body as I crashed to the floor, pleading for him to stop. I remembered how, so many years ago, Spirit's eyes widened as I showed him how to use a soul resonance in that room.

I made it to the foyer. I stared at the front door. Spirit had walked through there one day, when we were younger—when things were simpler. He was my first friend and my best friend. He showed me how to be happy. He showed me what true friendship was. He was my first love. I remembered how I'd watched him walk out that door. How I'd watched as my future walked away from me, embarking on an adventure of his own.

_I let him leave, he wasn't mine to keep. _

I walked outside and threw the bag into the trash. My body felt tired, all I wanted was a good night's sleep. I turned on my heels and walked back inside the door. I locked the door behind me and grabbed a new cigarette from my coat. I strode back into the living room.

The couch looked so inviting, and my muscles were aching from a mixture of pain and fatigue. I reclined, letting my limbs relax for the first time in what seemed like forever. My eyes began to sting as I thought about my conversation with Spirit and the last thing I had told him.

I heard a key turn slowly in the door. I dismissed it as a hallucination from my extreme sleep deprivation until I heard a voice chime through the walls.

_Marie._

I shifted my body so that I sat with my hands in my face and my elbows resting on my knees. My fingers laced and intertwined with my silvery gray hair. Her small body and long blonde hair made no noise as she slinked through the halls, careful not to wake anyone who might be sleeping.

She must've seen me sitting there in that pitiful state with smoke pouring from my lungs like liquid because she squeaked in surprise as she passed me.

"Stein, I'm home."

I looked up at her from my hands, something was wrong.

"Are you okay?"

Tears formed in her large amber eyes. She shook her head quickly and looked away. I jumped up from my seat and ashed my cigarette on the coffee table.

Her body began to shake as she started to cry. There was something different this time. This time she was crying because she was hurting, not because she was upset about some meaningless girl fight.

I wrapped my arms around her in attempt to comfort this woman. I had barely known her but I realized that she was expressing the tears I could no longer will myself to show for Spirit. Her body pressed against mine and she cried harder, her hands held on to my jacket.

"What happened, Marie?"

"Spirit. I-I know you loved him. I saw him…"

I tightened my grip on her and the burning in my eyes returned. I closed them and rested my head on top of Marie's.

"It's going to be okay."

I said these words to reassure us both, though I didn't think that it helped much.

I wanted to hold on to every bit of hope and optimism I held, but I didn't believe a single word I had said.

The truth was that I didn't know if it would ever be okay.

* * *

_A/N:_

_Reviews are so incredibly appreciated, I always look forward to reading them!_

_xo,_

_Jane_

_Happy Tuesday everyone, the week is almost halfway over!_

_This was more of a Stein & Marie bonding moment, she's going to be a really big advocate for him. Spirit and Kami has to happen though, warning everyone beforehand._


End file.
